How Do I Protect My Sisters from My Mother’s Abuse?

Answered by Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker on 2020-05-21 - Link

I'm sure this is very difficult for you. Not every kid gets the parent they need or deserve. But knowing that doesn't help you, does it.

Your little sisters have something you don't — a big sister who cares about them and who can provide a supportive presence in their lives. Don't underestimate the power of your love and caring. You may not think you are doing much, but in an environment like this, you are providing an essential support for them.

Since you already have a therapist, the place to start is with her. Have you told her about your concerns? You didn't share the specifics about how your little sisters are being abused so I can't offer direct advice.

I can tell you that if a therapist knows there is physical and emotional abuse going on, she is required to report to child protective services. A report does not necessarily result in removal of children. Ideally, a report is followed by supportive services to improve the parents' parenting skills and to keep the family together. Talk to your therapist about what usually happens in your state.

If you are worried that even talking about it will trigger a report, begin with a hypothetical question llike: "What would you do if you knew that there is physical abuse of little kids is going on in a home? What would child protective services do?" Her answers will help you make a decision about how to move forward. I hope you will think it over very carefully. If your sisters are being harmed, I hope you will work with the therapist to find a way to put a stop to it.

I'm sorry that you feel your therapist isn't much help. I hope you have talked to her about your perception that your therapy isn't helping you and that meditation isn't useful when abuse is actively going on. Unless you've talked to her about it, she doesn't know. I hope that once you have that conversation, you and your therapist will make some changes in your sessions so they are more helpful.

If not, it may be time to think about a change in therapist. Sometimes a client and therapist aren't a good "fit" for each other. It's nothing to be ashamed of. No one can be all things to all people. It's okay to ask for a transfer if you continue to feel that your therapist doesn't understand you or doesn't help you address the problems in your home in a useful way.

I wish you well.

Dr. Marie

How Do I Protect My Sisters from My Mother's Abuse?

TALK TO A THERAPIST NOW:Related ArticlesDr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2020). How Do I Protect My Sisters from My Mother's Abuse?. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 23, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2020/05/23/how-do-i-protect-my-sisters-from-my-mothers-abuse/

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